


Realization

by Eonsethyr



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hospital, Kind of sad.., Love, Near Death Experience, Wounded
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-07
Updated: 2015-03-07
Packaged: 2018-03-16 18:18:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3498143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eonsethyr/pseuds/Eonsethyr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Mars, Kaidan nearly died on Shepard's watch... She didn't take it well, and now she's looking at his wounded body, thinking about him and her, together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Realization

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably way too soppy for a Commander, but I kind of thought Shepard would be more distressed with her love interest nearly dying... I wrote it at night so it probably has many mistakes and uhh it's too short, but hell -- here you go:

She has tried to keep her emotions checked, so many nights on the Normandy while serving Cerberus she has spent watching his picture, then turning her gaze to the blank spot as the pain washed over her. It was even harder after they've met again on Horizon. His words cut deep into her, as if she hadn't tried at all to steel her heart all those days and nights.

As a commander, a leader, her missions were a great distraction - better to be stressed out than think about him. Their recent meeting on Earth only shook her again, every suppressed feeling suddenly slapped her, hiding behind a small smile. A tiny, fragile flicker of hope returned to her when she saw he had the same reaction, living through their time together again in that short moment. _Maybe, maybe we can start again -_

And then he nearly died on her watch. It was frightening to think about, and looking at him being tossed around like a ragdoll made Shepard's heart clench hard, ice coursing through her veins. If James hadn't intervened to pick up the robot's body, she would have crashed it with her bare hands, releasing everything pent up in her.

The thought of losing him broke something inside her every time, making it bleed deep down, unsure if it would ever heal.

Now they're both in the same room, he only barely alive on the hospital bed with tubes giving him life, and she, standing in the middle of the room, her eyes searching his bruised face. Silence stretched between them, but it didn't matter - he wouldn't hear her anyway.

She didn't know what to do, she may or may not have prepared somehow for this moment, but it was too much to bear. One part of her wanted to cry, fall to the floor, wail with trembling sobs until he wakes up from his long sleep, and another half of her was just... numb.

Standing there, she could've said anything, yet nothing came out. She was unsure who to comfort, him so that he doesn't give up, or herself to believe in his recovery.

Slowly, carefully, she took a few steps closer to him. She could almost see him fighting, his body latching desperately onto anything to keep him alive. _Kaidan is a soldier_ , she silently reminded herself, _he's strong_. _He can make it._

The galaxy still had its problems, but damn it all if he doesn't make it through this.

With a trembling hand, she touched his own, feeling his warmth spread to her body. It meant more than anything to her. Through the years that they've been apart, she has forgotten how his touch had the power to soothe her.

Before Ilos, their first night together took away all of her worries. She faintly remembers it, his gentle touch, the same comfortable warmth between them. There was nothing else but them, no Saren, no Reapers, no Council and their politics, just the two of them.

And then _she_ died.

She didn't dare think how painful it must have must have been for him. Now when she was looking at his heavily damaged body, she was suddenly in a similar position as he had been before. She didn't know for how long could she cope with it. Pain was something very familiar to her, but she felt this had a deeper root.

_If he dies, it would crush you._

Reluctantly, she let go of his hand and with slow, heavy steps retreated to the doors.

"It's not over yet." her voice was only a quiet whisper, breaking the silence for a brief moment.

_I still love you._

 

 

 


End file.
